All the losses that we've gained

 The human brain is conditioned to accept loss. To compensate for the things that it cannot have or adapt to function without them. Inability to succeed at either leads to insanity. I guess it’s why they’re saying ‘From all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most’.

 With all the recent turmoil I had the time to ponder about all that are gone, and celebrate not only all that I still have but also the new ones that arrived.

 I feel that I don’t need to go into specifics.

 I have not suffered a devastating loss.

 I was not given an extraordinary present.

 In my pensive state and while social distancing, my mind wandered all the way from mourning, to acceptance and eventually eagerness for those yet to happen. Because with the world turned upside down, I need to believe that when life takes something with one hand, gives back with the other.

 If not, then what is the point?

KISSES.

E!

Before, Now, After

 People who suffer from Cystic Fibrosis have to keep a distance from each other. Breaking this rule would endanger their very lives. Patients with C.F. who come in contact with one another run an extremely high risk of infection and subsequent death.

It is very unfortunate, thinking how they are battling with the same disease, they’re facing the same problems and they probably have numerous things in common, but they are forbidden to socialize with the very same people who can fully understand what going through Cystic Fibrosis means.

 It seemed just a trivial fact for me Before. Before the pandemic. Now I can taste a little of their bitter sacrifice. Now that I cannot trace your smile with my fingers, I cannot feel your warm breath whispering in my ear, Now that it is impossible for me to get lost in your hug. Because Now the same rule applies to everyone.

I miss you but I will be patient, I will wait for the After. I will wait with a smile if that means that I will get to see you After with the most precious gift, your health intact.  

KISSES!

E.

A letter to my baby sister's future boyfriend

I loved her before there was even she to love.
I adored the very idea of her and eventually cherished her presence.
I grew up watching her and preparing for your arrival.
You will have to pass my test with flying colors, if you don't want to end up as an unresolved mystery disappearance.
Your name will never be spoken with tears.
Your presence will always have to be a protective one.
Stand tall beside her don't slouch behind her.
I grew up a pianist, I know how to correct a posture, I learn to detect an error in rythm and if I find one between yours I will resolve it, probably with pain.
I will ask you a lot of questions, all of them a trap, an invitation to be cocky.
So be weary in your answers, there will be no second chance.
But above all remember she is your queen and you will have to start mining for diamonds to put in her crown.
She deserves no less...

 This post will be short and sweet, and, I really hope, motivational.

 I was in my first run at my hometown after eight months when I noticed these new additions to the scene. Anchors seem appropriate for a lovely seaside town, but they got me thinking…

Anchors are made to hold something down, to stop its course. Literary and metaphorically. While I was running I was thinking their metaphorical sense, all the people and the circumstances that tried to weigh me down and how one by one I overcame them. Some slowly but steadily, some quickly and without hesitation. Haven’t we all gone through events that tried to anchors us? Yes, but have they succeeded? That is solely up to our power of will. With that in mind I have only one thing to say and you should really pay attention here.

 I will not let ANYONE or anything to stop me from my course, to keep me from swimming, to halt me from even flying. You can try your damndest, I dare you!

KISSES.

E!

 One of the questions that I have received more than a couple of times is why I post so infrequently. I do not have a lot of followers but those I do have are dedicated readers. And while I mentioned it, you guys rock for reading my ramblings, thank you!

 Today is the day you will finally get your answer.  The way things go is that I hear/see/experience something that I find maybe funny or beautiful and sometimes amazing enough to want to share it with my online gang. I feel that I absolutely I have to write about it. How could I not? It so noteworthy! And then I do… and I H A T E it, I mean deep-seated, visceral hate and disdain. How could I have written something so dull and ordinary? It is glaringly obvious that the subject matter is extremely trivial, the wording is all wrong, and apparently the ability to express myself in written form has deserted me –probably forever! The frustration is building up and quickly becomes too much to bear. At this point, I shred my paper and toss my pen away –I am old-fashioned gal this way, I still use the traditional method. All this description sounds pretty dramatic, correct? Well, it feels that way too –even though, in no way is… nevertheless, my notebook will not see any action for days.

 I will find myself in this predicament for at least four or five times. I saw, I wrote, it conquered me (my creativity, that it). The problem is that I get easily fascinated and excited so the urge to express myself is growing stronger, despite the fact that when I do, I question my ability to see the difference between what it is worth uploading and/or if it is, my skill to articulate it in a manner to be readable.

 As long as these thoughts are pestering me, all the things I want to communicate are becoming words that fester inside my brain. I try to ignore them but on the back of my head, the part of my intellect that does not give up, convinces me that I have to try again and again, otherwise all the words in my mind will force my head to explosion. Ridiculous, I know but it is every writer’s truth ( of course, now I  have to apologize for using the word ‘writer’ so fast and loose for describing myself and move on…)

 The time has come for stage two of my creative process. I start to scrawl whatever I have found to be more interesting, and by this I mean whatever subject I am thinking compulsively. After all, a girl has to say her piece. I buckle up and get to work.

 ‘I am back and better than ever’ I am thinking as I am writing something that although I do not want to set on fire, it is not good enough to upload. This piece of... work is in a desperate need of polishing.

 I read every sentence twice, I reconsider every word, I look for grammatical errors where there are none while I fail to notice those that actually exist. I edit, I polish, I refine so much that I end up with something that A) I kinda like, despite the fact that it is completely different from what it started out to be B) I can recite the whole damn thing by heart, and C) I have drained every word that demanded to be voiced.

 The third stage looks a little like OCD if hold it up to the light. I study my post obsessively, again and again like my life depends on it, I read even when I have memorized where every punctuation sign is. I bury myself in it. I dip into every phrase and every expression, wanting to make it perfect –like there is such a thing. Sometimes it will become better, but more often than not, it will stop making sense to me anymore.  And magically, somehow, comes the moment in which I transition from ‘it must blow everyone’s mind’ to ‘it is what it is’. I don’t care, my journey is complete –spoiler alert, it isn’t-.

 I open my page to upload the fruits of my labor. This action will trigger one of two reactions. I will either find the proceeding posts tedious in comparison to the new one or vice versa.

 In the first scenario, a battle within me will start to not hit the delete button. I will fight tooth and nail to not erase my previous work, I will reason that although it should be destroyed for being so sub-par, it also shows my progress and in return I will show mercy and save it from the online trash bin. For now… - insert evil laugh here-

 Sometimes, though, I will find that despite my best efforts, the current piece does not measure up to the previous ones. Again a struggle will begin – I mean WWIII is taking place inside my head-. Should I start from scratch, give up entirely the whole ‘blogging’ thing or post it and let the online community decide? As my perfectionism combats my laziness to go back to the drawing board, my hand will drop the nuclear bomb to stop it all and hit the ‘upload’ button.

 Once a post has been made public all my doubts about its quality will disappear, until the time comes for the next one, where the vicious circle, just described, will start all over again. And this is why I do not post often!

 To make a long story short, sometimes I keep my crazy to myself others I am here sharing it with you guys. Enjoy it!

KISSES.

E!

 What do you write on your blog after of months of absence and when you have poured your heart and soul in a letter? In a very personal and extremely private letter that you do not even know if you will find the courage to deliver it to its recipient?

 Answer: You struggle to find inspiration somewhere else. On someone or something that are not related to what you had in your mind so persistently that it demanded being put down on paper. But when you are almost convinced that -for, at least, the time being- all your words have been expressed, then inspiration seems almost unattainable.

 Naturally, it isn't. I am surrounded by 'material' that have roused others to create masterpieces. I could just reply to all the messages I have received, asking about the the whitewashed buildings, the blue domed churches, the red beach, and the most famous of all the astonishing pink sunset. I could write about the rainbow of colors that surround me and stretch wide beyond white. Actually I did scribble something about the sunset but found it too trite to upload.

 After thinking good and hard and letting the phrases flow freely through my pen, i started to understand what this post is about, because as sure as hell it isn't about the beauty or the life here. And I'll be damned if I even note that ''No matter how hard my day has been, seeing the sunset never failed to relax me''. Believe me, it is not true.

 Instead I want to write about the people i have met. Without much thinking they can be divided in three categories: The locals, the tourists, and the people who came for a job. Of course this is a gross generalization but for the purpose of this entry I hope that you will let me get away with it.

 In my five months living here, I got the chance to connect with all of the three aforementioned categories, but the tourists are those who sparked my interest the most. People from all around the world are actually dreaming of vacationing in Santorini their whole lifetime! The majority comes for their honeymoon. Wherever you glance you will see couples. Maybe it is their first trip together, maybe they are on their honeymoon or they are celebrating a major anniversary. For whichever reason they chose this place their looks are almost identical. They have those awe-filled eyes, they are walking hand in hand, they are sitting intertwined in a hug trying to take in all the beauty or they are sipping their drinks admiring the view from the Caldera. All the while filling the air with romance.

 Have you ever felt that? An emotion dominating a space so strongly that you cannot help but sense it encircling you with its power? With couples all around, even the most cynic person will feel the 'love is in the air' kinda vibe.

 As a romantic trying to play it off like a sensible pragmatist, I have no idea how I managed to land myself in one of the places that is dominated by eroticism. Surely life is trying to teach me a lesson I am not ready yet to understand. But I digress, this isn't about me. It is about the people, with their perfect vacation, their perfect love, their perfect place..

 And all this magnificence that needs to be captured in a photograph -several actually-. They will often stop a passerby -a role I am always happy to assume- in order to take a picture. How to immortalize, though, the sparks in their eyes? Can you fit in a picture an 'Instagram worthy' spot and the enchantment between those two people, which is what really lights up the scenery? Is this a too romantic though? Maybe I have been 'exposed' to this idyllic aura for too long.

 You may ask, what makes Santorini so special? Lovers all around the world are behaving the exact same way, especially while on vacation. What is the difference between this island and Venice with its bridge of sighs per se? I really do not know. I haven't been everywhere -although it is on my list- but from my experience thus far, this is the place I have seen the most couples, with a pair of eyes that spark full of love, with hands that cannot stay away from one another, with hearts brimming with adoration and with minds intend on eternal devotion..

 I do not doubt that I will visit even more romantic destinations, but until I do this will be the setting where I feel clashing with the environment when strolling around alone. Of course you do not always need to find your other half. You are complete on your own, but having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn't see them as disasters is a magnificent feeling.

 Still, what about the other tourists? Those who came with friends or family also intending to have the time of their lives? Well, to tell you the truth I was too distracted from all this love and passion to even notice them, I guess there is always the next time.. Till then..

KISSES.

E! 

      

    

 For the last month or so I have been MIA from all social media and you know how they say that it is something we all should? Well I disagree! Maybe it is good for a couple of days, like a mini detox, but a couple of weeks? Not so sure…

 I’ve missed you guys! Of course I am well aware that I don’t know all of you personally but your comments and messages and all that fun interaction was apparently something I was really looking forward to, throughout my day.

 First of all thank you for your concern but fortunately nothing bad happened. The Instagram stories and posts will start appearing again and from a whole new place. You see, my dear followers I decided it was time to go out of my comfort zone, so I packed my bags and moved almost as far as could but still be inside my country. I took on a very demanding but interesting and fulfilling job somewhere I’ve never been before, Santorini.

 For many travelers Santorini is a must-go destination or a lifelong dream trip. It wasn’t for me, I am what we call a ‘city girl’, so I hadn’t visited this island, nor did I ever had the wish for it. But when an opportunity for a really nice job appeared, I took it. And here is where you should pay attention to my choice of words. I didn’t ‘jump on it’ like any other person would, I just accepted it…

 I saw the faces of the people who asked me where I was heading to, light up with excitement, wishing me good luck and telling me how they’d like to come with me. All the while I remained impassive, too shocked by my own decision to leave everything I knew behind. And not without reason.

 I’ve heard somewhere ‘leap and a net shall appear’. Last year I saw a very near and dear person leap and a net stubbornly refused to appear. I saw this person fall and struggling not to crush. Now, that came my time to jump, I did it very reluctantly and with a dose of fear. But I did it. I leapt. It wasn’t easy but surrendering everything familiar to me was both terrifying and freeing.

 Maybe it is a little soon to tell but I think I can see the net. Maybe for me it appeared. Maybe it will vanish just when I’m about to touch it. Only time will tell. Now, I am just trying to enjoy the ‘fall’, like a first time bungee jumper, equally thrilled and scared.

 Will the net appear? Will the rope hung on? I know I am…

KISSES.

E!